Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Using BlackBerrys

Everyone in this city seemingly has a stance on the ubiquitous BlackBerry.

Hill staffers are glued to theirs, news avenues are reporting physical injuries related to BlackBerry users stepping out into the street while emailing (or running into walls... yes, seriously), and anyone who's ever stopped by The Anti DC to peruse Marissa's e-musings is surely familiar with the opposition's stance (that they're toys for tools).

I must confess, I have one. And I hate it.

I never use it, even as a work cell. When I first got it, I was vaguely excited, as underneath it all I'm a big nerd who loves to play with techie toys. But then the reality sunk in. Wait, you mean work can contact me anytime, anywhere? And they expect me to answer back? ALL THE TIME? Gross.

My IT department sent me an email this morning to inform me that they haven't detected any activity on my BlackBerry since October 10th. I was shocked to my core. Partially at the creepy big-brotherness of the email, but mostly because WHY ON EARTH was I using it on October 10th? I would have put money on mid-September as the last time I touched the damned thing.

I left work and was walking to the metro a couple of weeks ago when a guy came breezing out of his office building, BlackBerrying furiously. Almost smashed right into me. To reiterate: he had JUST LEFT HIS OFFICE. Surely this man was important. Surely something life-altering happened during the elevator ride to the ground floor, to be BlackBerrying so soon after leaving his computer. I don't envy him that.

I assume these devices were originally intended to make business travel easier for high-level officials, as being able to check one's email when nowhere near one's office actually does sound pretty handy. In theory, BlackBerrys are useful tools (ZING! Get it?).

Anydouble-entendres (okay, that's the part where I pretend that I am Marissa... and now I'm done), what's the point of this post? I have no desire to discuss the device's tool-ish qualities (though they are numerous), nor will I mock those who choose to glue themselves to their BlackBerrys (though I'd like to). I just want to issue a plea to those who do use them every waking minute, and this plea is as follows:

Please, PLEASE follow normal email etiquette when Blackberrying. That irritating little "Sent via BlackBerry" disclaimer at the end of your note is not a valid excuse for repulsive grammar, wickedly terrible spelling, or inappropriately familiar slang. If you don't work on my immediate team, or even in my entire organization, and we have never met, do not refer to yourself as "i," and to me as "u." And for the love of all things holy, use apostrophes.

cuz, like, i cant beleive ur actually makin these mistakes.

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